What Is This?

So what was it? That feeling I was feeling
The feeling of my brown cheeks burning
The feeling of those butterflies in my stomach churning
Just fluttering without a care in the world
Like the humming birds singing their song was I also singing a song
A song of love? Hmmmm

Cos you see as much as my heart grew fond
Thoughts of doubt were just rippling across the great large pond I call my mind
The bigger the stone the larger the ripple
So basically the bigger the thought the larger the doubt

They say our eyes are the window to our souls
So if you see tears are you seeing my soul cry?
If you sense my joy are you able to dip into my storage
Will you help me jump and just fall

No no no
Too many times I lead myself into falling
Falling for the idea of a perfect man whisking me away
Or putting the glass slipper on my feet
But were YOU really my Prince Charming though?

You said all the right words to tickle my eardrums
But still caused an obstruction to my thought pattern
Instead of flowing with my feelings
I couldn’t help but be rigid in my doubt
Rigid in my doubt
Frozen in my fears
Locked in by insecurities
Paralysed by tears

I was scared of free falling into the unknown so I said to myself 
Stop being scared
Stop thinking the worst
Stop allowing negativity to creep into your mind
Stop allowing past pain to place shackles on your heart

So I gave a part of my identity to you
Without second thought
I put my walls down whilst I thought I was guarding myself
None of that YOLO business
Why?
But because the time felt right …. To me
Because I felt right
Was it a genuine good I felt
Or was it a fabrication required in order to infiltrate my soul

Wow, even with all these crippling worries I let you in
You were able to decipher the password to my soul so you were granted access
Because you made me feel good in so many kind of ways
Your presence made me smile
Your time and effort kept me warm
But no matter how good you made me feel
I couldn’t help but be still

Be still knowing knowing that you may be what I wanted
But were you what I needed?
Were you part of the solution to my life equation
Or were you just an error that would have to get erased
Was this a straight forward addition and multiplication
Or did I have to rearrange the page and make you the subject

The fact that I had to let you go I will never know what is right and wrong
All I know is that I don’t need to worry because no matter how long I take a break from this problem
The right solution to my equation will appear at the right time