You know when it’s not official but you somehow end up feeling like it is and start acting loyal like say you are his girlfriend or even pre-season girl before the Premier League starts. But then I start to wonder should I be waiting around waiting for him to make it official?
Well that’s not me anymore…
Situations like this are really not good for a girl like me because there is battling a constant battle between your emotions and your mind and some serious rational thinking has to be done. I was emotionally drained and confused almost everyday for 8 months or so just wondering “Is he the one?” “Is he going to mess up like the others did?” I looked okay on the outside but the uncertainty was just irking me on the inside.
Don’t get me wrong I had good times and he was not a bad guy at all. Very good qualities BUT there are times in life where you need actually stop and think about what is best for you physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. There are certain deal breakers that you cannot ignore no matter how good he makes you feel. In my case I ended up just taking myself out of the equation simply because he is a good but we are just not on the same page. I can’t imagine how a relationship would have worked when we are not in the same page feelings wise. I think about it now and question should I have been patient and waited for him to “develop feelings” and make it official. I really did! I really did like him I really did see something there but my mind just said no stop it Chi let’s keep it real. He ticks some boxes but the vital ones I need ticked he doesn’t tick them. It hurt a lot because we have been friends for years. I was angry and bitter at the fact that someone I used to speak to everyday now I don’t speak to them at all. From friends to strangers really really quickly.
So right now, do I think all guys are the same? Of course not
Have I encountered a few frogs during my 21 years that would make me question if all males are bad? Ermm YES!
However, as I have gotten older and gone through many of these situationships I realised that you know what there are good guys out there that know what they want and there are some friendships that are not worth losing as means to cross the boundaries. The friendzone is a great place in fact it’s a safe place for me so boy I will put my feet up and get comfortable. Plus, this season of my life right now is a time for me to renew my mind and develop myself in all aspects of my life especially my walk with Christ. Because I have realised that I have high standards when it comes to the guy I want purely because I am not looking for a pointless fling but a purposeful relationship (that may sound corny but yeah that’s what I would like) however
1) I tend to just go with the flow at any guy that shows a slight interest in me
2) There are some qualities I look for however I myself am not meeting them
So in a sense, I myself am not complete yet I look to be complete with someone else. But for once instead of me being angry at life and using this as an excuse to get drunk and start taking out my anger on other people I am using this as an opportunity to develop myself and also learn about my qualities that are not so great. I said to myself I don’t want to be bitter but I want to be better!
I want to better myself in all aspects of my life, I want to step out of my comfort zone to get to the best version of me. As for my outlook on relationships my time will come but not now first I need get myself complete in God first!