First of all, I would like to thank God for safely bringing me through another year and waking me up every morning to see His brand new mercies. I can honestly say that 2015 has been a year of serious growth and learning that I am ultimately grateful for and hope to take this renewed mindset with me into 2016.
This year hasn’t been all rosy and smooth, I have had a few incidents which made me really question my purpose and my ability to do things. But through it all I have truly been able to learn more about myself as person and also go to another level with my relationship with God. I have truly come to appreciate the Word of God as it helped me to heal from the bad things I experienced during the year. I remember after receiving my degree results the disappointment and frustration I felt really burdened me and I kept believing that I will have nothing to offer in life and that I will never be able to reach my future academic goals. Even with the reassurance from close friends around me I still was having a tough time not comparing myself to other people. This feeling of not being good enough and feeling like whatever I put efforts into do not reap reward was increased even more when a “situationship” fell through (I will save all that for a future relationship post). But in all honesty, the way I am feeling now writing this reflection post would not have been possible if I didn’t really start taking it serious to turn to my bible and praying for the solutions. Upon studying the book of James, I was able to truly understand that setbacks can happen in order to help you grow and mature in the way you think and handle situations not forgetting God as the source of your wisdom/discernment. Sometimes it takes being out of your comfort zone for you to truly strive and overcome whatever it is you are going through.
“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,[a] whenever you face trials of many kinds,; because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance; Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything; If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you; But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.
James 1:2-6 (NIV)
Months down the line, I was provided with an unconditional offer to do my Pharmacology MSc next year even though I don’t have the specified entry requirement grades my university was looking for! Just one of the examples of how God really opened my eyes to show that He can take a setback and turn it into something great!
I also came to realise that transparency is the best solution to tackling things. There are times where I really had to take time and realise that I am certainly not perfect and that some of my qualities such as pride and not fully voicing my beliefs can get me into situations that I really do not like being in. When I wrote my PFP post that was really a message for myself and I fully intend to continue to put it into practice.
My passion for singing and serving God has increased much more this year and I intend to make sure that I do not procrastinate but in fact do everything in my power to find myself in places and situations where God can receive all the glory! I honestly feel like seeds were sown whilst I was the choir leader at my campus fellowship and I have been able to learn valuable lessons about myself and also serving God which I intend to use in all that I do. I really feel something has been awakened in me and I intend to continue to be guided as to what that is. There is a beauty about worshipping and praising in God’s presence whether it be in public or in your quiet place that honestly makes me feel better and much lighter after I do it.
Lastly, I understand that when it comes to relationships and all that good stuff that I shouldn’t force things but at the same time I shouldn’t compromise any aspect of my well-being to please another who simply may not even care as much as I do. I am learning that I should chill with the Boaz hunting and focus on bettering myself and my relationship with God. I want to be able to love with all my heart and I cannot truly do that if I am not 100% connected with God because God is love (1 John 4:8). I have really come to appreciate the value of inner peace and contentment during the year.
All in all, through the tears and frustration, I have been able to truly see and feel the great things God has done for me and all the great memories I have created this year with my friends and family. So as the year 2016 approaches I want to completely lay it all in God’s hands and let Him do what He does best whilst I strive to strengthen my relationship with Him even more than I did in 2015.
“being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”
Phillipians 1:6 (NIV)