So as a follow on from my previous post from last week it’s about time I share my honest opinion about sex. Yes I am going there today I got time. It’s one of those things that young Christians including myself try to brush under the carpet when in actual fact needs to be discussed. This post is not going to be very cute and rosy so I’m just giving the heads up.
Let’s be real celibacy is NOT easy at all and it is certainly not by my own strength that I am doing it right now the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak especially when sex is all around us. I want to be put this out in the atmosphere; I don’t think sex is bad at all in fact it is good HOWEVER it’s only meant for the confinements of marriage. Basically, until I have said “I do” and my wedding ceremony has ended listen my legs are closed and unavailable. Lord, may I be strong in my decision to stay celibate until marriage I know my reasons for wanting to do this!
I mentioned a lot about situationships in my previous post and to be very honest a lot of the situationships I have been involved in sex or sexual acts have been a part of it. Personally, it is not by force to have sex with someone in the hopes of getting to know them sha. Just because I have had sex with you it doesn’t mean I know you and vice versa, will having sex with a guy help you know he has character flaws and vice versa? In fact, sex and lust can cloud your judgment more time let’s be honest will you be seeing who they are deep down. I want to know how your spiritual life is like, where you are at mentally and emotionally and sex gives a false view on that. After my experience of allowing sex to be a part of the “getting to know/talking” stage and seeing how that panned out I never really knew the guy enough for me to be like “Yasss he’s the one for me”. I knew him physically and obviously from previous history but spiritually I knew nothing. In all honesty, in my situation, I was being fake in my walk with God by allowing that to creep in. After repenting I know what time it is! It is time for me to be real with my walk with God not lukewarm and false. In all honesty, I don’t let anybody try and find loopholes especially because I know that I want to abstain till marriage. If he isn’t on the same page as me that’s fine he can go and do his thing elsewhere. Be careful and make sure that both of you actually want to be celibate and it’s not just being thrown into the atmosphere because it’s that’s the right thing to say at the time. IF a guy wants to enter my life in that manner it should not be a reason for me to fall away again. Godly relationships are possible but take I have to take time it’s not every fine Christian brother that is for me so I need to save it for the right one. Set those boundaries from day 1 so there are no stories and that no man will complain that he is being deprived. No such as thing as friends with benefits either be my friend or bae with the intentions of seriousness. Not every day ruin perfectly fine friendships because of small curiosity stay in the vicinity of the friend zone sha.
As a Christian woman, I stand by my stance that sex outside of marriage is not good for my walk with God especially after personally participating in fornication. But I will be real and say that I tend I allow lust to creep into my seeing/dating encounters with men. With tears in my eyes I repented and made a vow to never allow sex to be a part of the “getting to know” process. Even though I haven’t necessarily physically had sex with a guy lustful thoughts still creep in and these can be just as bad. I know it’s a daily process for me to die to my fleshly desires and take my thoughts captive. The thoughts will creep in just because of human nature but I try and focus on what the word of God says about it I don’t want to use my human nature as an excuse to go against a vow between me and God.
As for society, listen I will be firm and strong with my choice and I certainly won’t allow anybody to make me feel like a weirdo because of my preferred lifestyle choice. I also do not have the time for “potentials” that mock your choice and try to allow sex to sneak in. Not around here bro. I had a conversation with a sister friend and we both deeped that we actually both dodged bullets because of some careless antics. The potential detours I could have taken because of mindless decisions regarding sex listen I was playing with my life and salvation and I know that I definitely do not want to do any of those things again! Having said that, be real with yourself and flee any form of situation in which you will be tempted for example me personally kissing my neck is a no no, hands away from the nyash, it has the potential to lead to a madness. Therefore I am beginning to lean towards the no kissing before marriage side.
Finally, I just want to add that ladies don’t be made to feel any less and unworthy of a husband because of some people’s opinions about your virginity. You may not have your virginity but you are still precious and valuable in God’s eyes sis. I know I have repented for my mess and that won’t stop me from finding a Godly man. Don’t condemn yourself for your previous mistakes but instead have a repentant heart. Even writing this part of the post is making me feel a little teary eyed. I put my hands up and say that I wish I never delved into that but guess what God has used that to teach me lesson about myself and my relations with men and how I act. Just because of that past God can still turn it around for good. Sis, God will turn it around don’t worry about what society says about your past (you can have a read of my “Slut Shaming and Bodycounts” post).
Overall, like my previous post it is important for me to focus on the Lord and His purpose for me and not conform to the world but instead continually renew my mind about topics like sex. Having said that, I am still not involved in any of that until after I say “I do”
I hope you all stay blessed xo
Disclaimer: The past two posts are solely MY opinion and views! I’m not a sex and relationship guru (far from) but as a young Christian woman in today’s society sex and relationships are two things actually affecting me whether I like to admit it or not.