“I don’t understand” “I don’t have it all together”
It’s been a while since my last post but here goes nothing. There have been times during my walk with God that I feel like I am at a stand still. Like things are not working out the way I would have hoped and frustration begins to build as you wonder when will the breakthrough come. Times like this is where I have been tempted to give up and even downplay the journey and things I had to overcome to get to the point I am at now. But then I remember that this bland patch is a part of the process and my individual journey.
So what do I do in the meantime?
First of all, comparison is the thief of joy and causes one to utilise energy that should be invested in oneself and making practical steps instead of checking your neighbour and losing sight of your own walk. Times like this test my patience and faith in God. The flesh wants to throw a hissy fit and works things out on my own but the Spirit knows that relying on my own strength is a no go area (been there done that and I am not on it!)
So basically career wise, I have a strong idea of what I want to be doing now that my Masters has finished and none of them seem to be leading anywhere but to dead ends and frustration. Like I really do not want to be stuck in an average place that I just tolerate when I know I want to progress in my field so why should I right? Also, in regards to the gifts that God has placed in me, I am still shying away from it and not developing my craft for the things I have genuine love for. Partly because I don’t feel adequate to be singing His praises but it’s not up to me to decide whether or not I should sing His praises. There is power and healing when I sing and write songs about God in times like this and just in general.
Then I am reminded of Ecclesiastes 3 (cliché I know) but it is definitely one of the realist representations of life ever from verses 1-9. Life isn’t meant to be all rosy it will have its ups and downs no matter what BUT these seasons will come and go to make us stronger and better. I think about most of the celebrities I like, I am very sure most of them had to graft and grind very very hard to get to their position. I also heavily appreciate my parents for their grind in order to provide for me and my siblings. If they threw in the towel I have no idea where we would be. So even through your trials and tests, smile and praise your way through because the victory and testimony at the end of it will be unimaginable! To think that some of the things I achieved this year were once things I prayed about or the things I once cried about I can look back now and laugh because of how far I have come.
See the thing with this faith thing is that you can’t see but you have to believe it deep down. Even when things around you want to try to understand with logic. I’ve learnt that trying to apply logic when trying to walk by faith and not by sight – well it defeats the purpose small small. Like I know I’m in a bit of a bland spot and after being humbled by my finances and allowing God to be my provider I know that anything is possible. My hopes and dreams that are aligned with His will shall come to pass. Until then instead of me being idle and not doing anything I should be proactive. Keep applying for those jobs, keep writing those stories and songs God has placed in my heart, work on my craft, keep singing his praises wherever I go.
There is a time for everything and I fully believe this with my whole being so I will endure through it because God has done it for me before.
Until next time.
PS. A passage to remember about encountering trials
“Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”
James 1:2-4 (ESV)