Hello all, today I want to share my somewhat complex views about the topic of peace and closure from my personal experiences.
Sadly, it is a part of life to lose some relationships with friends, partners (potential and actual) and possibly family along the way. It is natural for one to want to find a resolution to the problem and reconcile any differences in order to move on from the situation. Seeking closure from a situation is also an opportunity to get any feelings towards a situation or person off your chest.
It is nice to talk issues out with people as a means to move forward but you also need to discern the necessity of that particular relationship in your life. Sometimes gaining closure from a situation as a means to move forward with that person can be for the best to strengthen that relationship. However, other times gaining closure will not benefit that relationship because it is simply beyond repair by your might and power. There are even times when someone just stops talking to you without any long paragraph or confrontation for whatever personal reason so one may seek closure in order to finally hear an apology/explanation. I have learnt the hard way that you may have to move on from some situations without hearing the sorry you want to hear and forgiving any offense caused for your own peace. No matter what disagreement or fallout I have with someone, I feel it’s important to forgive that person no matter how long it takes. Some things have taken me longer to forgive than others but it is important that I am not harbouring any bitterness towards that situation/person because at the end of the day that will only hurt me instead of moving on the new seasons in my life. Most likely, that person has moved on and is living their life and you are still there thinking about them when ideally it is best for you to let it go.
However, as much as you have forgiven someone it doesn’t necessarily mean that person gets to have a significant position in your life like they used to. Some people just need to be loved from a distance and at an associate level. I mean I’ve forgiven you and moved on, but we don’t need to be close like we used to especially if a sufficient amount of time has passed. Never feel forced to have a friendship with someone who has wronged you just because they have apologised or explained/rationalised their actions. If me getting closure from a situation and fallout costs me my peace then it is not worth it at all! I also see closure as a means of closing one door/chapter with the hope of no return sometimes. There is no need to look back and try and revisit/rewrite the potential. It’s not necessary to allow things and people from the past to come disturb your present peace because of a sorry. The process of moving on and forgiving is enough sometimes keep the door locked and throw away the key. You are not in that place anymore and you are also not that person anymore meaning you may have to leave things and people behind.
Moreover, I get very skeptical sometimes when there has been some sort of fallout/mutual decision to part ways but then the person comes back out of the blue. They come back on their own accord to try to make something work out of nothing but life doesn’t work like that. You can’t just return and pick up from where things were left off especially if they were on bad/awkward terms. I do feel like if something like that occurs then take it with a pinch of salt. I say that because there is a 50% chance that this person is genuinely trying to make amends BUT there is also a 50% chance that the reconciliation is not genuine. Basically, there are some people that when they are trying to “apologise” you think you are hearing the sorry that you feel is deserved; it may not be coming from a sincere place. It may also be more of a self-righteous thing that they are doing for their ego/conscience because they’re aware that they were wrong, but they fundamentally don’t want to admit it. They want to seem like they care about you but deep down they want to keep their best interests at heart; some of which are filled with bad intentions. This is where discernment is key I feel like it is important that you can sense when someone is being sincere with their apology and when they are not. There will be times that if the person is not being genuine then don’t be afraid to check and correct them about it (with love of course) because its simply not acceptable.
Weirdly enough, I also don’t believe that all situations require a sit down or a phone call to smooth over the issue because at the end of the day there are some people that do things to others, and they genuinely don’t believe that what they have done is wrong. Even worse, they fail to even acknowledge how they have potentially hurt someone. In all honesty, if you feel the need to have to tell someone they have done this that and third and they are not moved to even try to understand where you are coming from then was that conversation and quest for closure really worth it? Again, never feel forced to have a sit down/conversation about an issue if you are not ready to be around that person or even address them.
Ultimately, I feel to strive for God’s peace in situations instead of relying on finding peace after a possible reconciliation with that person. For me personally, it is better for me to leave everything to God to work out whilst I allow Him to guide me forward.
Until next time