1. Stick to your standards
Let me tell you one thing I have learnt is to make sure you don’t waiver from the way you personally want to be treated. From friends to family to work and to relationships (and situationships sadly). If you know you want to be treated in a certain way do not settle for less than that because you feel like something better will never come along. My string of situationships has taught me this especially. I know deep down I am a serious person and the whole quick fling and casual sex doesn’t work me long term and overall. I had to get myself out of that way of thinking when I was considering settling for somebody and a situation because after a while because I felt like nothing better will come. Settling to the point that I was aligning more with the whole casual sexcapade because at that point I felt that it wasn’t possible for God to lead me to a man who would share the same end goal of the talking stage with me. Call it what you will but dating to marry is the way forward if you know you are not looking for aimless fun. It saves time, energy and your tears so don’t conform because the calibre of people coming your way don’t tick boxes. Be intentional with any standards and expectations you have and if someone can’t meet them then move on to someone else. Never fall for the trap of believing that you will never find happiness or that you are not worthy of better.
2. Moving on without a sorry
This lesson lead me to write both my Peace Closure and Apologies post and the Art of Dealing with Offence poem last year. There have been times where I have had to move in from a situation without any form of closure or explaination as to why everything transpired the way the did. This is a very hard pill to swallow especially when someone does a disappearing act on you or if you have officially cut ties with a long standing friend due to unreconcilable differences. Even though this hurts sometimes, this is the best policy because in certain situations the idea of getting closure is nothing but a trap if the intentions of the other party are not good for you. Imagine getting closure from a situation only to end up back to square one, get hurt and then again trying to find a way to resolve the falling out. It’s honestly tiresome and something I learnt the hard way that I have no more energy for. Even if I feel like I have been hurt and offended there are some times I don’t need to hear a sorry from that person because they may not even mean it wholeheartedly. Empty apologies are not something I would want to waste time on hearing. I would rather have silence and space to move on and heal from the situation instead.
3. You can do it
Some of the things I have achieved required me to constantly tell myself that I am a capable of doing so. For example, I know with my Masters required me to push myself and apply myself to a much higher level in order to finally leave with the grade that I wanted and somewhat needed for the next step in my career. There are other things that I know I am capable of doing but for some reason, seeds of doubt try to manifest. When this happens I have learnt that sometimes the best way to tackle it is to just go for it! Going for it and giving it a shot is better than beimg complacent allowing life to pass you by. I have been learning not to disqualify myself from things because I have fears of being rejected instead I should just go for them and believe in the ability that God has given me.
4. You aren’t alone do ask for help
Over time with life experiences, I developed an attitude where sometimes I just want to to do things by myself and get it done by myself without the help of others. I tell myself not to rely on anyone just in case they disappoint you. Certain things such as solo trips or individual plans and goals you have made require no assistance. However, when it comes to the time where you most likely need wise counsel or you are feeling like you are bottling up a lot of feelings then it is best to reach out to those around you for help. Put the pride aside and know when you need help or simply just someone to talk to chances are you are not alone with the feelings you are experiencing. I remember when writing my New Year Blues post one of the things that helped me was talking to my friends and family about how I was feeling low and behold a few of the people I spoke told me that they could relate to my struggle and they have me the best most loving advice to help me conquer it.
5. Tough love is necessary
There are times where I have messed up by doing/saying stupid things and having a good support system around you also means sometimes having to get tough love from them. Not people that will sugarcoat your wrongful actions but people that will tell you straight up sis what is you doing baby? This kind of love can hurt and be hard to take in the moment but in hindsight is much needed when you are in the wrong during a situation. Sometimes this tough love. comes in the form of advice and wise counsel. There will be times that my heart wants one thing but the advice from friends and family are contrary to the fact; thus making any decision process afterwards much harder. Lastly, I have learnt that tough love is also a form a motivation when you are about to give up on something before you have even started trying or when you are close to the goal. The stressful times during my degrees and post MSc job search I needed a tough but gentle push because I wanted to give up and not try at all. Overall, tough love is good for you!
Ultimately, these things have and continue to be important and are things I look to hold on to for the rest of my life. It was pleasure digging deep and reflecting on my life so far who knows what other lessons I will learn before I’m 30.
Until next time
Chi xo
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