Hello all, today I am here to share with you a round-up of my 2020. This year saw the whole world get plunged into a global pandemic and it’s by God’s grace and power that I made it to the end safely.
To be frank, my relationship with God has gone through some ups and downs in a sense whereby I have been heavily questioning my actual faith. I feel like it’s been tested in various aspects of my life like my academics and “love life”. I was on the verge of dropping out of my PhD because I initially started my degree by stepping out in faith and hoping that God will provide when needed. Long story short, there were fears of how I would be able to pay some of my fees but thankfully after a talk with my supervisor, things have been worked out. I can happily say that I am still on my course (even though it has me in the ropes some days). I am also grateful for the fact that I was able to secure a part-time job that works perfectly with my ever-changing schedule. As for the downs, I do need to go back to the drawing board again in terms of being consistent and fully trusting in God. The trust I had in God that got me through my Masters should be the same trust I have in God to get me through my PhD.
I have really learnt a lot about myself and my threshold whilst doing my PhD. I will be honest and say that in 2020, I have had a lot of emotional battles in terms of my motivation to do my PhD plus the financial pressures of a PhD. I am slowly learning the art of saying no and putting my foot down when I don’t want to do something that adds on to my ever-increasing workload. In terms of experiments, it has been stagnant due to the initial lockdown and also being stuck doing the same series of experiments trying to optimise my protocol. This led to dips in motivation whilst simultaneously craving new challenges to keep me on my toes. All in all, I am looking forward to what the year 2021 brings in terms of my PhD I am hoping I’m working towards the goal of successfully completing my transfer viva.
One of my biggest emotional/mental battles of 2020 came during the initial lockdown. There were times I’ve had to take myself away from my phone due to the triggering nature of some of the local and global travesties going on. Being a Black Nigerian woman residing in Britain honestly made me question where I could fully exist in my full identity without being harmed. I expressed my dismay about the injustices in a piece for Sistem Magazine and in some of my previous posts about racism, misogyny and the strong black woman trope. It got to the point where I briefly resumed therapy as a way to talk through my build-up of emotions such as anger, despair and regret because I would simply just break down crying. The topic of sexual assault was also rampant whereby I had to truly unpack my previous experiences and how it really affected me instead of just compartmentalising it as I have done previously.
So the pandemic made a dent in your girl’s 2020 travel plans (rightfully so). But nonetheless, I was able to squeeze in two trips to Milan and Gothenburg plus a day trip to lovely Bristol. I have had to put my travel plans on hold until it is safe to do hence I have been venturing to other content such as hair and beauty. In the meantime, I do look to explore UK cities more when things begin to open up in the event that international travel is a hassle to commit to. I am looking forward to travelling becoming a solid part of my lifestyle again and I can’t wait to create more fresh travel content for you all!
I know I’ve said this previously in one of my yearly round-up posts but my love life was a complete myth this year. I would say that I did give it a good go however my attitude to dating/relationships has drastically been changing. This isn’t necessarily to do with the calibre of men I’ve encountered but just generally my own personal perspective and the stage of life I am at. Being a PhD student, I am already doing a degree that is taking my energy and has me locked in a complex relationship. To now extend the energy to another relationship with another human being I just do not know if I have the capacity to do that. I guess this year has also taught me to be slightly cut-throat and not settle. If something doesn’t sit right with me and my intuition, I will go with it. I am accepting of the fact that it may take me a bit longer to you find companionship because I want to focus on my career and build a foundation for my future family. That being said, my desire for companionship is not enough for me to start rushing and settling in something that is of no beneficial value to me because of a biological clock.
Overall, I am just glad 2020 is over. I can’t help but feel sad for those who lost their lives this year whether it was through the pandemic or at the hands of institutions failing their citizens. I sincerely God gives all of those families comfort and justice for their lost ones. All in all, I wish you all the best for 2021 in all that you set out to do.
Love Chi xo