There comes a time where you just have to admit that you are in pieces. As much as I would try to hold it together during the day at night the tears just came streaming down my face. The road to recovery with my relationship with God will take work but how can it work when I am clearly broken. My heart feels heavy because I am holding on to issues that have hurt me and caused me disappointment, my mind can't help but think and reminisce about all the mistakes I made causing me to feel the way I do now. The heavy heart analogy makes sense to me because I thought about it like the more pieces there are the heavier the load will get. All that anger, offence, bitterness, disappointment and so forth will accumulate and weigh your heart down. If my heart is weighed down by all these things instead of focusing on the One who can heal and restore me then its just gonna get long. Instead of focusing on the things of God, I will be indulging in myself. How can God use me for the good of His ...
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Getting Better
*sighs* Situationships You know when it's not official but you somehow end up feeling like it is and start acting loyal like say you are his girlfriend or even pre-season girl before the Premier League starts. But then I start to wonder should I be waiting around waiting for him to make it official? Well that's not me anymore... Situations like this are really not good for a girl like me because there is battling a constant battle between your emotions and your mind and some serious rational thinking has to be done. I was emotionally drained and confused almost everyday for 8 months or so just wondering "Is he the one?" "Is he going to mess up like the others did?" I looked okay on the outside but the uncertainty was just irking me on the inside. Don't get me wrong I had good times and he was not a bad guy at all. Very good qualities BUT there are times in life where you need actually stop and think about what is best for you physically, emotionally, mentally and ...
PFP (Pride, Faith and Patience)
There have been times in my life where things have not gone my way and I feel nothing but disappointment and frustration. I even begin to ask questions like "Why me?" "What didn't I do?" or "Why couldn't I get this but everyone else can?" It even gets to the point where I will ask "Am I not good enough?"For example, I recently ended up "cutting ties" with a guy I was seeing because of a whole mixture of issues. You see in this generation when it comes to dating and what not image has taken over. Furthermore, there is a case of guys not being serious or things not working out because of trying to rush things. I will not lie to you I liked this guy a lot but I had to make a decision due to the fact that I was compromising my relationship with God by my actions. Things were kind of hostile between us (due to myself allowing anger to override patience and understanding) however overall things have been left on a good note because I chose to leave it all to God and prayed to God that ...
What Is This?
So what was it? That feeling I was feeling The feeling of my brown cheeks burning The feeling of those butterflies in my stomach churning Just fluttering without a care in the world Like the humming birds singing their song was I also singing a song A song of love? Hmmmm Cos you see as much as my heart grew fond Thoughts of doubt were just rippling across the great large pond I call my mind The bigger the stone the larger the ripple So basically the bigger the thought the larger the doubt They say our eyes are the window to our souls So if you see tears are you seeing my soul cry? If you sense my joy are you able to dip into my storage Will you help me jump and just fall No no no Too many times I lead myself into falling Falling for the idea of a perfect man whisking me away Or putting the glass slipper on my feet But were YOU really my Prince Charming though? You said all the right words to tickle my eardrums But still caused an obstruction to my thought ...
Spiritual Slumber
Can I be real? There are times when you will feel like you're at war within yourself (your flesh and your spirit) during your walk with God but with the correct equipment and the most importantly the all sufficient grace of God, you can be prepared to overcome! Ephesians 6: 10-18 perfectly explains and depicts the FULL armor of God needed to battle against the attacks from the enemy. But what about the times where the attacks are feeling a bit too much? Or you feel like you cannot take anymore? I have felt like this before and the solution God laid on my heart is that I need to awaken from my "spiritual slumber" Yeah I said it .... Even though I am physically awake, my spirit has been sleeping purely because of the fact that I have allowed flesh to run rampant in such a way my spirit is still in a peaceful sleep. It took me a very long time to realise this but this definitely shouldn't be the case. In fact, this should be the other way round as stated to us in Romans ...
Memoirs of a Lost Soldier
Sometimes I think to myself why me? Why did you choose me I mean I am far from perfect I still mistakes over and over again I still fall back into my old ways But somehow you still choose me You still see the best in me when no one else can You look right through me Past the thorns and flaws and still love me You were right about love being patient and kind Because that's all you ever are to me Instead of neglecting me you choose to take me as I am 1 Peter 1:4 tells me to come to you as a living stone Rejected by the world and chosen by you So I take comfort in your arms knowing that one mans trash is Your precious treasure When my skin was ripped through you were there When those words cut my heart you were there When I cried to myself about the wrong Boaz you were there However I too have done my fair share From the bitter offence, to the burning out lash To the undermining of my worth as a woman Yet through all of those you still choose me And love me ...
